Assertiveness: Your key to freedom. What it is, what it is not, and why it is worth learning.

Aldona Gaudyn

12 May 2026

Assertiveness is the art of openly and clearly communicating your needs and boundaries while maintaining respect for yourself and others. It is not aggression, selfishness, or lack of empathy. It is a key soft skill that helps protect mental health, build authentic relationships, and strengthen self-esteem.

How often have you found yourself saying "yes" when every cell in your body was screaming "no"? Did you agree to take on an extra project at work even though you were exhausted? Did you attend a meeting you had no desire to go to, just to avoid hurting someone’s feelings?

In my daily work, I meet incredible, wise people who completely forget about themselves, afraid to set boundaries. That's why today we are dispelling myths about assertiveness and checking why it is your most important tool in building a satisfying life.

What assertiveness is definitely NOT?

Many of us fear assertiveness because we confuse it with behaviors we want nothing to do with. Before we get to the point, let’s debunk the most common myths:

It is not aggression: assertiveness does not involve raising your voice, attacking others, being rude, or proving your point at all costs.
It is not selfishness: caring for your own boundaries does not mean you don’t care about others; it simply means you care about yourself too.
It is not a lack of empathy: you can fully understand someone else's emotions and needs while respectfully declining a request that compromises your well-being.
It is not saying "no" just for the sake of it: assertiveness is not about being a perpetual rebel; it is simply the art of conscious choice.

So what IS assertiveness?

Simply put: assertiveness is the art of respecting yourself and others.

It is the ability to express your feelings, needs, opinions, and boundaries openly, clearly, and honestly, in a way that does not hurt others. It is a win-win situation. When you are assertive, you send a clear message to the world: "My needs are important, but your needs are important too. I respect you and I respect myself."

Assertiveness is the moment you stop apologizing for who you are and what you currently need.

Why is assertiveness so important?

If you are still wondering whether it is worth your time, here are a few reasons why assertiveness can change your life:

It protects your energy and mental health: you stop taking on the problems and responsibilities of the whole world; you finally have space to rest and recharge.
It builds authentic, healthy relationships: when you clearly communicate your boundaries, you avoid passive aggression and hidden resentment; people know where they stand with you, which builds deep trust.
It strengthens self-esteem: every time you stand up for yourself, you send yourself a powerful signal: "I am important. I am worth taking care of."
It gives a sense of agency: you stop being a victim of circumstances and others' expectations; you begin to truly direct your life and career.

Assertiveness CAN be learned!

I often hear from clients: "I just am this way; I can’t say no. That’s my character."

I will say this with full conviction:nonsense!

Assertiveness is not an eye color you are born with. It is not a magical gift. Assertiveness is a skill. It is a soft skill, like a muscle that can and must be trained.

If for 20, 30, or 40 years you have practiced submissiveness and pleasing others (because that’s how we were often raised), it is natural that at first, assertiveness will feel unnatural or even uncomfortable. However, I assure you that with each little "no" (for example, refusing to have another coffee with a friend when you dream of going home), that muscle gets stronger.

How to start today? Do one simple thing. Before you automatically say "yes" to someone’s request next time, say: "Give me a moment, I need to check my calendar/I need to think about it."

Give yourself a buffer of time to make a decision that aligns with yourself. You will see how much this changes.

I’m rooting for your journey to freedom and authenticity!

Are you looking for support in building assertiveness?

Assertive communication, setting boundaries, and developing mental resilience are foundations in both private life and effective leadership.

If you feel that you need a professional partner to work through your blocks, I invite you to reach out. As an ICF accredited coach, I support individual clients, managers, and youth in discovering their full potential.

I conduct coaching and mentoring sessions online as well as in-person in Poznań. Book a free initial consultation and start consciously managing your energy.

Do you want to learn more, schedule a meeting or have a conversation?

Contact me

Company data

TowardsYou Aldona Gaudyn

ul. Rubież 14B/7

61-612 Poznań

VAT no. PL6652660725

phone no. (+48) 502-202-625

e-mail: kontakt@towardsyou.pl

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